Zombie Talk

“What’s your favorite way,” I ask Matt at work, “to kill zombies underwater?”

Tim answers before Matt can get his mind around the question. “I’d pull him down to the bottom and get his toe stuck in the drain.”

It takes us a moment to realize that in his imagination, an underwater zombie battle takes place in the municipal swimming pool.

Matt decides that if he were in the ocean he’d tie a concrete block to a zombie’s leg and let go. “That way he’d sink to the bottom and never get out.”

Steve, who favors the spear gun method says, “But that wouldn’t kill him. He’d just be on the bottom of the ocean, chilling.”

Matt counters, “But eventually, he’d rot away and then he’d fall apart and become plankton. And then a whale would eat it.”

This gets us on the subject of zombie whales for a while. What would a zombie whale look like? Would it swim around moaning in humpback song language about brains? How do you kill it? Harpoon to the skull?

We’re on the subject of zombies, I think, because it’s almost Halloween. Zombies are on our minds. And because I’m wearing this shirt. Amoeba’s only open until seven on Halloween because after dark it gets really strange in that neighborhood–lots of people with masks, lots without, all of them drunk. So we’re shutting down early and going over to Inez and Hiland’s house for a zombie party.

I was thinking about dressing up as the “Drum Machines Have No Soul” guy and jamming a drumstick into my skull. But now I think I’m just gonna go to Cinema Secrets and get me some woochie.

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