No More Dating

Speaking of venting, maybe I’ll post this for you. My friend Dayle is tired, tired, tired of dating. Last night she goes on what she claims is her last date (for now, I imagine.) The date was nondescript, but as it turns out, it’s the proverbial straw on her Dromedary. She writes him a response to his generally upbeat follow-up email. It’s a vent of black-belt proportions:

Hi Sam,

Normally, I would just reply with a polite, “thanks, it was nice meeting you but I didn’t really feel a connection.” Which would be a true and honest response. However, since as I previously stated, you’ve caught me during a period of “dating frustration”, I’m gonna give you a little feedback that you may or may not find helpful. (lucky you, right?)

You had warned me that when you’re nervous, you tend to talk a lot in order to avoid “awkward silences.” And while I understand this, there was never an awkward silence, because I don’t think you ever stopped talking. This fact, in and of itself, wouldn’t necessarily be a terrible thing but at some point, I was hoping that you would’ve taken a moment to express an interest in learning something about me. It’s true, that no one wants to be interviewed during a date, where someone asks you one question after another. But do you realize that you never asked one single question about me?

Point and case:

Here are some things I learned about you last night:

  • The names of all four of your childhood dogs and how each one met their untimely demise.
  • How many brothers and sisters you have
  • You’re “pro open source book” (Nevermind that I have no idea what a source book is)
  • What your parents do for a living
  • The type of company you work for and what they do.
  • And a fairly detailed description of your stock portfolio.

And it’s not that I don’t think you should share this information (well, I could’ve done without the open source book monologue) but I challenge you to think of even one thing that you learned about me last night.

I think perhaps you should change your profile headline from “Looking for a good conversationalist” to “Looking for a good listener.” And listening is what I do for a living, not what I want to do on a date. Part of being a good conversationalist entails expressing an interest in learning something from the other party involved.

And on a more superficial note, (just because I’m on a roll) while I did appreciate the fact that you dressed nicely for the date, it’s not advisable to point out to your date that you’re dressed “better” than she is. And while I’m at it, you might want to rethink the black trenchcoat, it’s a little to “Columbine” if you know what I mean.

Again, it might just be bad luck that you got to meet me during a time when I probably just need to take a break from dating, but you did. And as I said, maybe some of this will be helpful in your future dating endeavors. At the very least it was helpful for me to vent. And now maybe you’ve learned something about me afterall.

Best of Luck,


About the author: will

8 comments to “No More Dating”

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  1. mom - April 10, 2006 at 2:44 pm Reply

    You rock, Dayle. That’s telling him.

  2. Memo Pisa El Lodo - April 10, 2006 at 6:32 pm Reply

    Ooooo… if possible, keep us up on this dialogue.

    I wonder what his reponse is?

  3. simpleton - April 10, 2006 at 11:45 pm Reply

    “stock portfolio”?! this guys sounds dreamy! please send all of his info to me.

  4. Dayle - April 11, 2006 at 12:25 am Reply

    Surprisingly, his response was not one of “thanks.” Instead, he implied that I had some “pent up anger issues” I might want to deal with. Whatever.

  5. will - April 11, 2006 at 7:22 am Reply

    Well, it’s not pent up anymore.

  6. tony - April 12, 2006 at 2:51 pm Reply

    black belt indeed! perhaps even 3rd degree black belt.

  7. Cliff - August 29, 2006 at 12:17 am Reply

    Wow, you’re going to be famous someday. When you get called to go on Jerry Springer to continue the roast, can I have a backstage pass? I’ll make sure that the salami fits the pumpernickel loaf without the edges sticking out too much, and that all the olives have their little pimentos tucked inside.

    …and that all the amplifiers go to 11.


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